13 Things that Scare the S*** out of 20-Somethings

October 23, 2014

Things That Scare 20Somethings

Some anxieties persist throughout life: fear of spiders, discomfort with heights, having to take your laptop out of your bag at airport security and feeling SUCH TREMENDOUS PRESSURE TO DO IT IN .003 SECONDS because everyone is judging your zipping skills. Other worries are uniquely confined to your twenties. It’s a shaky stage, where something as mundane as picking out a phone plan triggers the impulse to call your mom and nuzzle the childhood blankey you secretly still sleep with.

But we’re here to tell you you’re not alone. Everyone who’s reached the other side of 29 has experienced the nuisances listed below (and to be honest, none of it magically disappears the day you turn 30…or even 80). So let’s find consolation in our communal fears, and recognize that these situations are totally human—and actually kind of funny.


  1. Running into people from your past at a coffee shop and having to explain what you’re doing with your life. CAN’T A COFFEE AFICIONADO JUST ENJOY A TRIPLE-PUMP PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE WITH EXTRA WHIP IN PEACE?


  1. Making a pop culture reference and a slightly younger person not getting it. How is the cultural legacy of Lite-Brites not taught in every high school across the world?!


  1. Seeing your friends at different stages of life than you, when previously everyone evolved at the same rate. “Uhh, Jake from high school just had a second kid and I’m still on my parents’ insurance. Cool.”–what you bleakly mutter to yourself before vowing to never check Facebook again not log in for at least 30 minutes.


  1. Finding yourself intensely drawn to home improvement shows. Literally watching paint dry in a remodeled living room becomes entrancing, and you will cancel plans on a Saturday night just to see how tearing out a wall in a stranger’s kitchen worked out.


  1. Marriage/baby/new job posts on social media. Was there a legally-binding pact made among my Facebook friends to reach all adult milestones within six months of each other?


  1. Realizing that you no longer have a violent reaction to Phil Collins and other comparable music in your parents’ collection. It’s actually, dare we say it…soothing? Like warm milk for your eardrums.


  1. The seemingly arbitrary numbers on tax forms. 1040, 1040-A, 1040-EZ, 1040-ES, 1099….did the tax people only have like six numbers to choose from when creating these things? And do they have a life-threatening allergy to using clear English?


  1. Insurance of any kind. Why does “deductible” sound like the opposite of what it actually is?!


  1. Wondering if you can still get away with Converse at a formal-ish event. Hey, you paired it with a dress shirt.


  1. Seeing teen pop stars and wanting to knit more clothes for them because seriously, that’s an infant in a short skirt.


  1. The possibility of having to move back in with your parents. Every time a legally-classified adult has to argue with their parents about what time they’re coming home, an angel loses its wings.


  1. Roommates who think placing a dish in the sink and filling it with water qualifies as washing it. Roommates who let their laundry sit in the drier for hours/days so you have to eventually handle their underwear. Roommates who eat your food in systematic increments because they think you won’t notice but YOU KNOW. Roommates whose significant others become another defacto roommate and then start complaining about the lack of paper towels. Just…roommates.


  1. Turning 30!!! Which actually isn’t as bad as it seems! It just means you’ve got more disposable income and no longer have (as bad) hangovers because you’ve switched from vodka shots chased by Jack in the Box, to glasses of wine chased by bed at 9:30 p.m. Ah, maturity.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *